I've been MIA (Missing in Action) from the blog. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I feel like such a hypocrite. After my last entry, and my 25 yrs. High Class Reunion mental crisis, I've been running like a "Chicken with the head cut-off" managing life. I feel like I've deviated from what I intended this blog to be. I haven't been eating as well as I wanted, nor making the best decisions about food when having the opportunity. I've started asking myself "Who do you think you are?" or "Who cares about what you do, eat or have to say?" - There are days that the only thing making me wake up in the morning and keep me going are my faith in God, Luiso and my boys, because if it was for me, I would hide like an ostrich and simply not move. Exhausted and "achy" are an understatement. But then, after having this "pity party" - life (I think it is God) sent me "subtle reminders" to stop complaining and keep moving forward. He shows me mercy and compassion through people, random acts of kindness, and confirmations that I'm on the right path even though is not as structured nor as "perfect" as I want it to be.
Luiso and I had to make very difficult decisions about our finances, but at the same time, after touching bottom, we can see little by little how God is guiding us and leading us by His hands to a better future. We got rid of all credit cards, mainly because we already maxed all them out trying to stay afloat during our "vacas flacas" years, (we still in the "vacas flacas" years, but compared to other people, they would love to be in our situation, instead of theirs.) We are part of the new phenomenon in the Educated/Middle class statistics. It should be named "Educated, but Poor" or as I saw in the news-feed of my friend Erika's Facebook page, the "Nillionaires" (definition: "Person without any money of their own. He looks rich but it's all borrowed and his bank account is nil.") And the reason I'm talking about this, is now that we are in the open, however, we've never hid this before, is that we need to stretch our pennies to the max. Literally. So, every purchase I make in the grocery store, or about anything it is carefully thought after. I'm cooking a lot, we're eating 95% of our meals at the house, but we cannot "picky" in terms of the kind of foods we can buy. I'm sticking to the rule of buying everything in the "outer" side of the store, but not everything is 100% organic and I'm doing lots of "pantry recycling." The other day I went to HEB with $15 to do some groceries for the kids lunch boxes. It included, bananas, milk, cottage cheese (LJ and E loves it,) ham, whole wheat bread, yoghurt, cilantro, onion, 1 green pepper, 1 red pepper, garlic. Not to shabby, right? And then, the moment of truth came...when in line to pay, there were 2 women in front of me. One in her 30's and the other one was a teenager, they have around 20+ cups of "Maruchan brand instant soup cups" - the kind you see all over the Internet saying is equal to eating poison. They paid their $6 bill with food stamps. At that moment, I felt so impotent, because my first reaction was to tell them that I would cover their bill, after I would've tell them not to buy the instant soup and I would get them a "better" choice of foods; even though what I consider to be "better" it would be considered "bad" as well by all the food purist out there. It was clearly all they could afford at this time-to feed a rather large family. And then, it makes me think, the only difference between them and I are the way we "look" and how we are perceived by our society, because in essence, we are both in the same situation. I have Faith in God that our situation is transitory and I know that better days will come. However, I was telling Luiso even though our finances get straightened. I never want to forget these days, in a good way, I want to be able to have in abundance, not for us, but to be able to give even more, and also to keep ourselves humble, because it is so true that you can be on top one day, and way below the floor the next one.
And about my insecurities...I received another slap in the face...I took a "selfie" at Titi Gertru's house on our "flash" trip to Puerto Rico to be at Manolo and Marla's wedding. I was working and decided to take a picture to test my work's laptop camera. I was sitting in the same spot my mom's last days bed was in. Apparently, the lighting, angles and blowing dry my hair that day did something because I got a lot of "likes" on it. Yesterday, Nov. 2nd. (Dia de los Muertos) I was kind of down, I'm still not fully recovered from my mom's passing. However, I haven't given myself full permission to grieve. First, because I saw God all over her passing's process, and 2nd because I have so much in my plate and so little energy that I have to "stretch it out" as I'm doing with my budget. I don't know if it was my dad that signed on to her FB account or my sister, but yesterday, when I was feeling as a failure, I got a FB notification on my phone that Celia Paneto "liked" my picture. So if my mom in Heaven "likes" me as I am now. I guess I can do that too. I might be a "Nillionaire" with my finances, but I'm a true Billionaire in blessings, especially my family, friends and all the love we share. "One day at a time" - some days are "one hour at a time." But always moving forward.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
25+ years...
No lbs lost...
I have been MIA, and in this case, it doesn't mean I've been in "Miami." It's been more "Missing in Action" (literally.) I can come up with tons of excuses, but the truth is that "I've been eating crap." The positive thing is that in between the "crap" I've been incorporating vegetables and some healthy choices into my diet. As they say, old habits die hard... Luiso has been working like crazy, my stress levels have gone through the roof, plus life happens.
Which makes me think... I can ignore my self-imposed challenge to make better lifestyle choices and write about it, or I can push forward and keep the commitment to myself, regardless the outcome.
Interestingly enough, recently we got the notification via Facebook that our 25 years High School reunion is in the making. Woo-hoo! And the first thing that came to mind was 1) need to save money for the plane tickets. 2) I haven't been able to go to any of the previous milestones' class reunions, I don't want to miss this one. 3) NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. As any other nosy human being would do, I went into the new, "closed group," FB page with the class reunion information and start browsing the "TBT#" pics and posts my classmates have been leaving. And then something that haven't happened to me in a long time, happened. I because seriously anxious; plus, a wave of self-doubt covered me up. Things that I thought I left behind, came back instantly. I then discovered it has taken me 25+ years to "re-invent" myself. The people that are in my life now are so amazing... One thing I keep hearing from them (which I think it is because they love me unconditionally, because I don't see the logic on this) is "they don't know how I handle so "gracefully" everything that have been thrown at me." First, I don't think I have had it that bad...Second, the word "gracefully" says it all...it's been simply by the Grace of God and third, growing up in a 100 x 35 island, during the late 70's and 80's, being mid part of the middle class, overweight, average looking, educated in a private Catholic School system, you've better learned to "survive" and "lay-low." Thank God back then, "bullying" wasn't as popular as it is now...(See? It is good to see the glass half full.) One thing many people don't know is that in Puerto Rico, "racism" it is more an "elitistism." In my case, and now looking it from the outside, when you're in the "middle" you're really screwed. Because the ones in high spheres of society, they are "defined," the same with those in a "lower sphere" - they know who they are and where "they belong." Certain characteristics and behaviors are expected. But when you're in the middle and you don't fall into any of the defined "classes" or "specific beauty standard"- you become a "salmon" (as my good friend Sara taught me to properly pronounce in English, "\ˈsa-mən\" - she also taught us how to prononce "Home Depot" ˈwhich in case you don't know, the "t" is silent. = de-(ˌ)pō) All those sociocultural "challenges" beside all the teenage angts, can't be healthy- and who knew they can come back to you in a split second? In my "deep" meditation about "pajaritos preñados" (pregnant birds) over this topic, and my weird reaction to my 25 years HS reunion, I've discovered if you don't fit a certain visual image, you're not "allowed" to certain behaviors. Or better yet, if you don't have the right "sponsor" or the right "people" endorsement, you become a "Salmon." (pronounced "\ˈsa-mən\") Hey, why do you think the "Ms. Congeniality" title was created at beauty pageants...? Unfortunately, this is found at a different scale in the corporate world as well, but that is another topic for a later blog entry (i.e. "networking," "mentors. etc.... )
For those who doesn't know me from my Puerto Rico days, I can truly say, and I know it sounds harsh, the best thing that ever happened to me was to move from there. My personality, vision, morals and values, especially, how vulnerable I am to others, have me thinking if I would've survived the "adult years" if I still live there. I never felt "I belonged" when I was there, the same way, I never felt I belonged to my High School class (nor any school class I've belong to.) The oxymoron of all this is some of my best friends in life are my friends from High School. Individually, I adore them. They are going to be part of my life forever. There are others, who I truly admired who they've become, and I wish I had invested more time with them when I had the chance. Coming back on why I've decided to share this with my "healthier lifestyle" blog is that I'm part of the cliché of "eating our emotions." I eat my emotions... and not in "carrots, celery and spinach..." it is more in savory snacks, coffee, pizza and fries. Because if I "show any kind of stress or emotion" the unecessary labels will start flying..."drama queen, hysterical, she has a chip on her shoulder, etc."and we have to deal already with so many "labels," you prefer to "eat your emotions out" rather than adding external ones to the ongoing list-(or just showing how much it affects you.) I truly, truly wish my "dealing" with my emotions and low self-esteem would be not having an appetite, exercise frantically and having an urge to clean and organize, but in that way, I'm screwed as well. Hate to clean, hate to cook, still haven't found the "adrenaline rush" of endorphins. Also, it doesn't matter how sad and depress I am, I NEVER forget I'm hungry nor to eat.
I now joke with my co-workers and friends that in my head, I'm 6ft tall, lean, thin, sexy and fabulous. And honestly I can say, "I've learned to love my body the way it is." That's why my reaction to my upcoming High School reunion threw me off. Then, I was having different conversations with random people from my different circles, and among us, the conversations always turns to weight and the way we look. For example, my beautiful, fellow moms, taking a picture with their kids becomes an inner "mental war" to overcome the discomfort it caused them to be photographed. (Of course, this is more for Gen X and Gen Y moms because we know our Millenials are "Selfie-pros") Why? Why? Why? we have to do this to ourselves? I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to go to my High School reunion, but I'm sure will try my hardest; first, to face my "stupid fears" and second, because I really, really want to see some my classmates that I care deeply about. In the same way, I'm going to continue in my quest to become the best, true version of me. Next on the list, besides cooking healthier. (I'm sorry...I still hate cooking...) is to forgive the past, forgive myself, and keep moving forward. Maybe I wasn't very popular in High School, nor have the right "endorsement" from those who have some kind of "power" to "promote" me in life- but I can say I'm very popular along the 4 yrs old crowd with Edwin's day care buddies. They don't give "crap" on how I look, and still haven't mastered the skill of "lying." But most of all, I'm extremely loved by God, my husband, sons, family and friends, and with that...I have all the "validation" that I need. I just need not to take it for granted, or (as Cher would sing) "turn back time." I hope one day I can truly say "I don't give a crap about what people say..." But I'm not there yet. (and I truly hope, it does not take me 25+ years to overcome it.)
Monday, August 25, 2014
Sweet and Sour
Entry #5: - 19 lbs lost combined...
The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. Being overwhelmed with joy, fear, anxiety, happiness, gratefulness, worry and relief. We had the blessing of having my dad visiting us from Puerto Rico, as well as my dear Titi Millie from Dallas for LJ's Pre-K graduation. Going back to the last few days, it got me thinking how life is "Sweet and Sour," as well as, for my taste buds. I love "sweet and sour" foods. Give me some savory and sweet and I'm a happy girl. It also made me think of how much "weight" we carry on our shoulders, heart, mind and soul. It was very humbling to see LJ graduate from Pre-K. Not only for what it means as a milestone for him, but also how well he managed it even though sensory-wise it was a true overload. He clenched, he had both his hands covering his face, but he stood there, clap, and follow the songs with his fellow classmates. When the ceremony was done, you could feel his anxiety and tension, his heart was racing, but he was compliant and stayed at the crowded Gym, where even one of his friend's dad said: "I cannot even imagined how he must be feeling, I'm an adult and I'm overwhelmed with all the stimuli here." I felt and overwhelming wave of joy and gratefulness being able to share that moment with my dad and aunt, but couldn't help feeling sad and nostalgic that my mom wasn't there to see her baby boy graduate from the school she loved so much and helped us keep attending when things got financially rough for us.
When we think of weight, we think in terms of pounds, sizes, all visual, not necessarily how we "feel" inside" or adding the "extra-weight' that life throws at us. I do know that my boys are going to be fine and set in life. Not because I can control it, but because I entrusted them to God since I found out I was pregnant with them. That doesn't mean the control freak in me overpowers from time to time. Of course I would love to control their environments, experiences, etc. which gives me great deal of unnecessary stress and fear. And how I "decompress"? I eat...preferably "sweet and sour" stuff...The irony of all of these is why can't I used my "control freak-ness" to control what I put in my body? Right? Wouldn't it be amazing if we can turn our excesses and neurosis into positives?
Continuing with the "Sweet and Sour" couple of days, with a side of Chinese food, egg rolls and savory with sweet yummy dishes, Luiso lost a LOT of WEIGHT this last week. He lost the stress of finally having his Master Report completed; and finally, got his Master in Software Engineering done. I think as soon as he received the final notification from the UT Registrar office, got everything, signed and approved, he lost all the extra-weight we've been carrying for 4 yrs. I'm super proud of him, and already told him in all my "Puerto Rican-ness splendor sarcastic tone" - "dime, dime que mas vas a estudiar ahora" (tell me, tell me what are you going to study next...) if you have never met a Puerto Rican woman before, in this case, a Puerto Rican wife, what I'm really saying to Luiso is: "If you dare to tell me you're going to study something else, I'm going to slap you silly until you snap out of it."
Regarding food choices and our new way of living, it's been "Sweet and Sour" as well. We've been eating out way more than we need to. Between "eating out our emotions and celebratory occasions" I've noticed that we're also making better choices. We are adding vegetables and still no sodas nor artificial sweeteners, etc. Baby steps, but we have kept moving. Tomorrow, LJ starts Kindergarten. He is not only ready and excited in his own way, but also is a new chapter in our family life in terms of having a new routine. Also, it is a "sweet and sour" moment because right after we drop LJ at school, I'm taking my dad to the airport, he is going back to Puerto Rico. He also is doing better food choices and taking care of his health. We loved having him here with us, I really treasured the days we spent together and how much the boys enjoyed his presence.
I will continue to savor these Sweet and Sour moments, in all aspects, inside and out. Because it is the sour that helps us enjoy the sweet, but too much sweet, can turn into extremely sour. Everything in balance..."one day at a time."
The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. Being overwhelmed with joy, fear, anxiety, happiness, gratefulness, worry and relief. We had the blessing of having my dad visiting us from Puerto Rico, as well as my dear Titi Millie from Dallas for LJ's Pre-K graduation. Going back to the last few days, it got me thinking how life is "Sweet and Sour," as well as, for my taste buds. I love "sweet and sour" foods. Give me some savory and sweet and I'm a happy girl. It also made me think of how much "weight" we carry on our shoulders, heart, mind and soul. It was very humbling to see LJ graduate from Pre-K. Not only for what it means as a milestone for him, but also how well he managed it even though sensory-wise it was a true overload. He clenched, he had both his hands covering his face, but he stood there, clap, and follow the songs with his fellow classmates. When the ceremony was done, you could feel his anxiety and tension, his heart was racing, but he was compliant and stayed at the crowded Gym, where even one of his friend's dad said: "I cannot even imagined how he must be feeling, I'm an adult and I'm overwhelmed with all the stimuli here." I felt and overwhelming wave of joy and gratefulness being able to share that moment with my dad and aunt, but couldn't help feeling sad and nostalgic that my mom wasn't there to see her baby boy graduate from the school she loved so much and helped us keep attending when things got financially rough for us.
When we think of weight, we think in terms of pounds, sizes, all visual, not necessarily how we "feel" inside" or adding the "extra-weight' that life throws at us. I do know that my boys are going to be fine and set in life. Not because I can control it, but because I entrusted them to God since I found out I was pregnant with them. That doesn't mean the control freak in me overpowers from time to time. Of course I would love to control their environments, experiences, etc. which gives me great deal of unnecessary stress and fear. And how I "decompress"? I eat...preferably "sweet and sour" stuff...The irony of all of these is why can't I used my "control freak-ness" to control what I put in my body? Right? Wouldn't it be amazing if we can turn our excesses and neurosis into positives?
Continuing with the "Sweet and Sour" couple of days, with a side of Chinese food, egg rolls and savory with sweet yummy dishes, Luiso lost a LOT of WEIGHT this last week. He lost the stress of finally having his Master Report completed; and finally, got his Master in Software Engineering done. I think as soon as he received the final notification from the UT Registrar office, got everything, signed and approved, he lost all the extra-weight we've been carrying for 4 yrs. I'm super proud of him, and already told him in all my "Puerto Rican-ness splendor sarcastic tone" - "dime, dime que mas vas a estudiar ahora" (tell me, tell me what are you going to study next...) if you have never met a Puerto Rican woman before, in this case, a Puerto Rican wife, what I'm really saying to Luiso is: "If you dare to tell me you're going to study something else, I'm going to slap you silly until you snap out of it."
Regarding food choices and our new way of living, it's been "Sweet and Sour" as well. We've been eating out way more than we need to. Between "eating out our emotions and celebratory occasions" I've noticed that we're also making better choices. We are adding vegetables and still no sodas nor artificial sweeteners, etc. Baby steps, but we have kept moving. Tomorrow, LJ starts Kindergarten. He is not only ready and excited in his own way, but also is a new chapter in our family life in terms of having a new routine. Also, it is a "sweet and sour" moment because right after we drop LJ at school, I'm taking my dad to the airport, he is going back to Puerto Rico. He also is doing better food choices and taking care of his health. We loved having him here with us, I really treasured the days we spent together and how much the boys enjoyed his presence.
I will continue to savor these Sweet and Sour moments, in all aspects, inside and out. Because it is the sour that helps us enjoy the sweet, but too much sweet, can turn into extremely sour. Everything in balance..."one day at a time."
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
"One day at a time" - some days..."one hour at a time..."
Entry #4: -16 lbs. (yes, we're kind of stuck...)
So far, so good... in terms of being conscious about food choices (the majority of the time) and managing our new lifestyle...but "old habits" die slow, and this one is no exception. There are tons of "excuses" that I can think of, but I'm not even going to look for them. Some things in life are as easy as "I'll do it, or I don't" not "maybe" nor "later." Which got me thinking on why we procrastinate so much when having to do something, and why we "complain" about anything and everything. I don't know why we believe that we deserve the blessing without putting the work for it. I'm totally guilty of this. But again, I have 2 options, 1) quit or 2)try again..."One day at a time." Eating out is my debacle. I LOVE eating out, and it doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. Any fast food restaurant would do it for me. But If you want to see me "happier than a dog with 2 tails" take me to Chipotle, Red Lobster or to Joe Crab's House. Especially, if eating out means that 1) I don't have to cook. 2) see my 3 guys making faces when trying the food I just cooked. 3) Clean the kitchen. I know that I've said that "this time," I was going to take my time and not obsessed about food nor what I do, but reality is that I need to have accountability and do need to monitor what I eat. Same with exercise...I have tons of excuses not to exercise, medical, health-wise, even I can say that my beliefs doesn't let me work out, etc...but again, it is a matter of ownership and accountability with myself. So far, my exercise routine consists of drinking the >64oz of water needed. Meaning that I need to "go pee" frequently. The positive thing of this is that 1) the bathroom is far from my cubicle at work. 2) My workplace promotes a healthy and active lifestyle as part of their "corporate culture" - In other words... my walking to the bathroom counts in favor of my productivity and utilization metrics. (at work and my FitBit) Another positive thing about it is that apparently, the people in our work building are on the same "schedule" because I tend to ran into the same people when "exercising" (wink, wink)- enabling a great deal of "networking opportunities" (in another kind of "cubicles" of course) and exchanging ideas and even giving reminders of deliverables needed for our project at tasks.
Going back to all of the "excuses" I can come up with in order not to take responsibility for the changes and the discipline I need to follow in order to see the outcome I will like to see, these last weeks, I've been missing my mom more than ever. Especially yesterday, I was craving her delicious "Pollo Guisado" and I tried in my best effort to "recreate it." Needless to say, it came out not even close to her recipe and flavor. Which made me miss her even more, because I couldn't even call her to tell her that I messed up her recipe. It also reminded me that she learned how to do it from my grandmother, Mama Carmen, and her "Pollo Guisado" was even better. Now, they are both in Heaven, and I still miss my Mama Carmen a lot. However, I do think they are both proud that at least I'm trying to cook. Because per my Grandma's, Mama Carmen, opinion, I should have not get married because I didn't like to cook nor clean. (I still don't like to cook and clean...)
I'm also doing something that I've said I wasn't going to do this time, I started to log my food intake using the "MyFitnessPal" phone application. (If you're on it, look for me: "Nyleoj72") I'm also wearing my "FitBit" (which is almost 2 yrs old) because I wanted to measure how many calories, steps and "how far" I was walking on my "technical/networking stops" to the bathroom at work. Ah! By the way, Luiso is doing good, thank you. Remember, his part of the deal is to do everything I do. Deep down I feel so bad for him because his mom, Doña Alba, is a great cook! She can do the simplest dish taste "ah-mah-zing" (really!) But he is stuck with me.... As this famous Puerto Rican saying says..."This is what the boat brought." However, I'm so thankful that even though you can see the "fifty shades of (insert any color you'd like)" in his face when I tell him what I cooked for dinner, he still eats it. The boys...that's another story....
So these days, I'm taking things "one day at a time" - some days are "one hour at a time" in all aspects of my life; plus, using my "Pray & Praise FitBit" to count all my blessings and wonderful things that I get to enjoy. Because we only have today. And it needs to count. As "My Fitness Pal" says when you're done logging for the day: "Complete Entry - If every day were like today...you'd weight ### in 5 weeks*" :D
So far, so good... in terms of being conscious about food choices (the majority of the time) and managing our new lifestyle...but "old habits" die slow, and this one is no exception. There are tons of "excuses" that I can think of, but I'm not even going to look for them. Some things in life are as easy as "I'll do it, or I don't" not "maybe" nor "later." Which got me thinking on why we procrastinate so much when having to do something, and why we "complain" about anything and everything. I don't know why we believe that we deserve the blessing without putting the work for it. I'm totally guilty of this. But again, I have 2 options, 1) quit or 2)try again..."One day at a time." Eating out is my debacle. I LOVE eating out, and it doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. Any fast food restaurant would do it for me. But If you want to see me "happier than a dog with 2 tails" take me to Chipotle, Red Lobster or to Joe Crab's House. Especially, if eating out means that 1) I don't have to cook. 2) see my 3 guys making faces when trying the food I just cooked. 3) Clean the kitchen. I know that I've said that "this time," I was going to take my time and not obsessed about food nor what I do, but reality is that I need to have accountability and do need to monitor what I eat. Same with exercise...I have tons of excuses not to exercise, medical, health-wise, even I can say that my beliefs doesn't let me work out, etc...but again, it is a matter of ownership and accountability with myself. So far, my exercise routine consists of drinking the >64oz of water needed. Meaning that I need to "go pee" frequently. The positive thing of this is that 1) the bathroom is far from my cubicle at work. 2) My workplace promotes a healthy and active lifestyle as part of their "corporate culture" - In other words... my walking to the bathroom counts in favor of my productivity and utilization metrics. (at work and my FitBit) Another positive thing about it is that apparently, the people in our work building are on the same "schedule" because I tend to ran into the same people when "exercising" (wink, wink)- enabling a great deal of "networking opportunities" (in another kind of "cubicles" of course) and exchanging ideas and even giving reminders of deliverables needed for our project at tasks.
Going back to all of the "excuses" I can come up with in order not to take responsibility for the changes and the discipline I need to follow in order to see the outcome I will like to see, these last weeks, I've been missing my mom more than ever. Especially yesterday, I was craving her delicious "Pollo Guisado" and I tried in my best effort to "recreate it." Needless to say, it came out not even close to her recipe and flavor. Which made me miss her even more, because I couldn't even call her to tell her that I messed up her recipe. It also reminded me that she learned how to do it from my grandmother, Mama Carmen, and her "Pollo Guisado" was even better. Now, they are both in Heaven, and I still miss my Mama Carmen a lot. However, I do think they are both proud that at least I'm trying to cook. Because per my Grandma's, Mama Carmen, opinion, I should have not get married because I didn't like to cook nor clean. (I still don't like to cook and clean...)
I'm also doing something that I've said I wasn't going to do this time, I started to log my food intake using the "MyFitnessPal" phone application. (If you're on it, look for me: "Nyleoj72") I'm also wearing my "FitBit" (which is almost 2 yrs old) because I wanted to measure how many calories, steps and "how far" I was walking on my "technical/networking stops" to the bathroom at work. Ah! By the way, Luiso is doing good, thank you. Remember, his part of the deal is to do everything I do. Deep down I feel so bad for him because his mom, Doña Alba, is a great cook! She can do the simplest dish taste "ah-mah-zing" (really!) But he is stuck with me.... As this famous Puerto Rican saying says..."This is what the boat brought." However, I'm so thankful that even though you can see the "fifty shades of (insert any color you'd like)" in his face when I tell him what I cooked for dinner, he still eats it. The boys...that's another story....
So these days, I'm taking things "one day at a time" - some days are "one hour at a time" in all aspects of my life; plus, using my "Pray & Praise FitBit" to count all my blessings and wonderful things that I get to enjoy. Because we only have today. And it needs to count. As "My Fitness Pal" says when you're done logging for the day: "Complete Entry - If every day were like today...you'd weight ### in 5 weeks*" :D
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
"The "actual" eating plan"
By now you might know that Luiso and I are in this journey together, I'm still grieving the recent loss of my mom to Cancer and my stand on "crap." So let's go to the eating part of our "journey" - after reading everything under the sun related to eating according every condition out there, I got to the point of getting "beyond-overwhelmed" and decided to do something completely simple...(I thought...) Use common sense. First, keep the calorie intake less than the outtake. (Of course, making sure the calorie number for the intake meet my levels of "hungriness." I KNOW that at least at the point I'm at in my life, we can't survive on only 1,200 calories a day. For those of you that can, and continue to function properly, More Power to You! Second, like it or not, I have to increase my vegetable and fruit consumption. Third, (hardest part for me as well...) not eat out as much. (I'm going to come back to the eating out part later, maybe in another entry, I need to.) Fourth, I need to move more as well. For the calorie intake part I set up my goal for the day at <1,800 calories. Also, I'm not obsessing about carbs, proteins, fat, etc...What I'm doing is, trying to eat as wholesome as possible. And I do need to snack. For those who knows us well, know that we have had a couple of rough years. Not bad, just rough. (Like everyone else in this planet...we're not that unique in that sense...) When I quit my job back in 2011 to become a "Real Housewife of Round Rock Wannabe" reality played a very ironic trick on us (and hey, why not? compared to what other people goes through, this is "piece of cake.") Having 1st World Country Problems is not that bad when you stop to think about it... Which made me realized part of my Puerto Rican DNA is being a hoarder, emotionally and physically. We tend to keep and don't get rid of anything, "because you never know when you'll need it..." And in these last 3 "trying years" I found myself doing this. 1) Feeding our family of 4 with $15 or less. 2) "Couponing" 3) Getting more and more into debt to remain "afloat." As most of you know "debt=stress" and "stress=cortisol" and "cortisol=shutting down your system; plus, an increase tendency to eat your emotions and stress." I got "hooked" on the "Extreme Couponing" TLC show. And currently, I know the Target and HEB coupon policies "to the teeth." But one thing I started observing while watching "Extreme Couponing" is that all the people featured there look so unhealthy... I know for some of us, you see this when going to the supermarket and watch some people getting their groceries using government assistance cards, (this topic deserves their own entry...) I digressed...Returning to our "actual" eating plan...we decided to do the following...I lead, and Luiso agreed to eat whatever I served him. I'm calling our diet "an elimination diet" meaning "eliminate everything that we cannot afford..." Saying this, I plan my grocery and limited cooking skills according to what we can afford, in both, time and money. Also, I'm trying to incorporate traits to become a citizen of the World and try to avoid GMOs, pesticides, extremely processed foods, company products that exploits natural resources and people, etc. within our limited budget. However, the other day, Luiso and I were joking about becoming "vegetarians" because the cost of meat and seafood is "up the roof." (At this time, I don't see us becoming vegetarians...but it is not a bad idea to revisit sooner rather than later.) Also, as part of becoming "better citizens of the World" I'm recycling and using everything we have in our pantry. Some of the food we have are "good choices" and the other are not. So we balanced...I'm always been intrigued by the phrase "Beggars can't be choosers." At this stage of our lives, we need to make the best with what we have. I read yesterday couple of posts about "Are you really living life...Or are you just paying bills until you die.") Due to the fact we can "die" at any giving moment, yes, we are just paying bills until we die, but as many of you know, sometimes, we need to take things in all aspects of our lives, step by step and process by process. I really don't think we currently have the "luxury" of becoming "picky" with what we eat or don't eat, but it doesn't take away from the fact we can practice better choices including how we allocate our budget, priorities and fuel our body (spirit and soul, as well.)
In a nutshell...we are eating within our means, practicing making responsible decisions, not only to ourselves but always having present the common good of everything. Sometimes, I need to take things "in compartments" to "handle" what at hand, but I know everything, what I'm dealing with and what I decide to revisit at a later time, have repercussions all around it. Because everything is connected. Everything. "Food for thought..." And that's our "current" eating plan. :)
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
"No more crap eating" (In the Puerto Rican meaning of the phrase)
Entry #2 Still at -15 lbs (combined) lost
So Luiso and I have embarked in our new "way of life." We are in week 4 of our new lifestyle and eating style changes. So far, so good. Only couple of days of eating "crap" (literally.) There are couple of things that got me thinking in the phrase "eating crap" which in Puerto Rico we referred to "Comer Mierda" and we used in various contexts. For example: if you're not doing anything with your life, "estás comiendo mierda" or if you're wasting your time or simply bored, "estás comiendo mierda," if you need to get something done; but instead, you're procrastinating, "estás comiendo mierda" and if you're eating just "junk food" and nothing really nutritious "estás comiendo mierda, as well." And today, I had an "A-ha moment" which is that I've been "eating crap" in so many aspects of my life that it stinks (literally.) I have mixed feelings about it. I feel embarrassed, ashamed, mad, angry, motivated, and determined to continue on my quest to stop "eating crap." (I do think it sounds more "colorful" in Puerto Rican Spanish - "dejar de comer mierda.")
The other day, my brother "from another mother", José Luis wrote on his blog about how he is starting his career now at 41...And got me thinking..."If he starting his career at 41, crap! I'm in a very "crappy" situation because I'm going "in reverse" with mine." (Ironically, I do love what I'm currently doing in my current job.) Which simultaneously brought me back to Oct. 6, 2004, the day I had "Gastric Bypass Surgery" (to lose the weight once and for all...) Now, I found myself not only going on reverse with my career, but with my weight loss, as well. Luiso and I, beside being partners in life, have many things in common, we think, analyze and over-analyze everything "that we need to do..." However, it takes us forever to put those thoughts into action. I don't know if it is "laziness" or simply "fear." From what I know from Luiso's background (especially his teenage years) is that he went to a school that I've never heard of (until I met him) and that his friends and acquaintances called him "Mulli" (term of endearment derived from the word "mullido" which in English is "soft, fluffy") He HATES that "nickname" - however, everyone else around him find it "cute" or "funny." (I hate it, too.) I also know, living in Puerto Rico all my childhood and teenage years, it could've been worst than "mulli." (I'm not even going to get into the "bullying" theme) At the end of the day, putting everything in perspective, "mulli" isn't that bad... Going back to our weight loss and more healthy way of living journey, and to stop "eating crap" in all the sense of the word/phrase, we need to identify all the "crap" we have been feeding ourselves. To our minds, spirit, body, etc. Because one thing I've discovered in my 41 yrs old existence, is that a lot people are just "full of crap." And they're not shy to spread their "crap" around. Also, I would love to go back in time to the moment when I started to believe it and feed it into my body, mind and soul. Between anger and sprouts of pity, I've decided that I don't want to deal with any extra-crap. In any way. (Just the necessary one to survive, though....) While thinking about all this "crap," and doing a "quick" review of my " chubby life" (which has a current total of 40 yrs. because I have 2 yrs. of being "semi-thin".) Even though experiencing a weight loss of 140 lbs back in 2005-2006, I've never saw myself as "thin." I might have lost the "crap" in my body, but didn't lose the crap in my mind and what I believed I was." Needless to say, it came back, slowly-but surely, all the crap- did come back.
Now, I need to figure it out and go with the process of "letting go of the crap" - and continue in our efforts to change our life. The good thing is Luiso and I have an amazing motivation, our boys. I cannot believe we are the parents of LJ and Edwin Miguel. And, as they say, your children are the "better, upgraded version of you" - I don't want them to have to carry our "load of crap," plus theirs. Because I don't think anyone in the world is exempt of having to deal with "crap." Sometimes, dealing with "crap" assist us in humbling ourselves and come out "clean" afterwards. But if we can teach them by example how to deal with "it" in a better way, and "scoop it on time" - I'm all in for it.
So Luiso and I have embarked in our new "way of life." We are in week 4 of our new lifestyle and eating style changes. So far, so good. Only couple of days of eating "crap" (literally.) There are couple of things that got me thinking in the phrase "eating crap" which in Puerto Rico we referred to "Comer Mierda" and we used in various contexts. For example: if you're not doing anything with your life, "estás comiendo mierda" or if you're wasting your time or simply bored, "estás comiendo mierda," if you need to get something done; but instead, you're procrastinating, "estás comiendo mierda" and if you're eating just "junk food" and nothing really nutritious "estás comiendo mierda, as well." And today, I had an "A-ha moment" which is that I've been "eating crap" in so many aspects of my life that it stinks (literally.) I have mixed feelings about it. I feel embarrassed, ashamed, mad, angry, motivated, and determined to continue on my quest to stop "eating crap." (I do think it sounds more "colorful" in Puerto Rican Spanish - "dejar de comer mierda.")
The other day, my brother "from another mother", José Luis wrote on his blog about how he is starting his career now at 41...And got me thinking..."If he starting his career at 41, crap! I'm in a very "crappy" situation because I'm going "in reverse" with mine." (Ironically, I do love what I'm currently doing in my current job.) Which simultaneously brought me back to Oct. 6, 2004, the day I had "Gastric Bypass Surgery" (to lose the weight once and for all...) Now, I found myself not only going on reverse with my career, but with my weight loss, as well. Luiso and I, beside being partners in life, have many things in common, we think, analyze and over-analyze everything "that we need to do..." However, it takes us forever to put those thoughts into action. I don't know if it is "laziness" or simply "fear." From what I know from Luiso's background (especially his teenage years) is that he went to a school that I've never heard of (until I met him) and that his friends and acquaintances called him "Mulli" (term of endearment derived from the word "mullido" which in English is "soft, fluffy") He HATES that "nickname" - however, everyone else around him find it "cute" or "funny." (I hate it, too.) I also know, living in Puerto Rico all my childhood and teenage years, it could've been worst than "mulli." (I'm not even going to get into the "bullying" theme) At the end of the day, putting everything in perspective, "mulli" isn't that bad... Going back to our weight loss and more healthy way of living journey, and to stop "eating crap" in all the sense of the word/phrase, we need to identify all the "crap" we have been feeding ourselves. To our minds, spirit, body, etc. Because one thing I've discovered in my 41 yrs old existence, is that a lot people are just "full of crap." And they're not shy to spread their "crap" around. Also, I would love to go back in time to the moment when I started to believe it and feed it into my body, mind and soul. Between anger and sprouts of pity, I've decided that I don't want to deal with any extra-crap. In any way. (Just the necessary one to survive, though....) While thinking about all this "crap," and doing a "quick" review of my " chubby life" (which has a current total of 40 yrs. because I have 2 yrs. of being "semi-thin".) Even though experiencing a weight loss of 140 lbs back in 2005-2006, I've never saw myself as "thin." I might have lost the "crap" in my body, but didn't lose the crap in my mind and what I believed I was." Needless to say, it came back, slowly-but surely, all the crap- did come back.
Now, I need to figure it out and go with the process of "letting go of the crap" - and continue in our efforts to change our life. The good thing is Luiso and I have an amazing motivation, our boys. I cannot believe we are the parents of LJ and Edwin Miguel. And, as they say, your children are the "better, upgraded version of you" - I don't want them to have to carry our "load of crap," plus theirs. Because I don't think anyone in the world is exempt of having to deal with "crap." Sometimes, dealing with "crap" assist us in humbling ourselves and come out "clean" afterwards. But if we can teach them by example how to deal with "it" in a better way, and "scoop it on time" - I'm all in for it.
Monday, July 21, 2014
On our way to become "Ex-Gorditos"
Entry 1 - 15 (combined) lbs lost... 185 to go...
Luiso and I have been together for almost 8 years. Wow!! Time does flies when you're having fun...Or...when you are just going through it "one day at a time" dealing with everything life throws at you. In these almost 8 years we have been through love, lost, changes, ups and downs, happiness, anxiety, good times, not-so-good times, Autism, "terrible 2's," "even more terrible 3's," I think you get the idea. Last Sunday, Luiso was reading from his "lover" (the phone) an article posted in CNN about a couple who combined have lost >200 lbs and I think he got inspired. In my case, I got "inspired" when reality knocked on my door, (uninvited) in the most hurtful and difficult way, witnessing my mom die of Cancer and other illnesses. People deal with grief in different ways, but nonetheless they need to go through their "5 stages." I jump from stage to stage. I'm between "anger" and "sadness." Especially, now that I see the boys in the development stage they are in, I'm "angry" that my mom didn't get to live and share this fun times with them, or with me. I'm angry that I cannot call her whenever I want to, nor "complain" when she called me 10x a day for no reason (but deep inside, I loved the attention she was giving me.) And when I get "angry," I get "hangry" - and I'm like a Pac-Man when he ate the yellow magic pill. I can eat anything and everything in front of me. Luiso on the other hand is way better than me in that aspect. He can control himself more. However, he usually follows my lead, which is not a good thing (most of the times, however, I do have 98% of being right...) As I've said before, "some ideas work better in my head that in reality." For example: "Eating Taco Bell seems wonderful and delicious in my head until I eat it and get a heartburn "de madre." Somebody told him in our Honeymoon that the formula for a successful Marriage is "Happy Wife, Happy Life" but also, sometimes, what in my head will make me "happy" can also harm me. Going back to our initial point, Luiso, getting inspired by what he read about the overweight couple (with 4 daughters) who got healthy and now they are "clean-eating nuts" and "marathon runners," - said..."we need to blog about progress and our journey." Which for me, it was "music to my ears." Those who knows me the longest, know that I love to write. I might not be the "greatest writer on the block," but I truly enjoyed the written word. Also, I'm an open-book. However, do to my mom's, "Ponce, Puerto Rico upbringing and my sister's; plus, 3 of my beloved best friends who I deeply admire and happen to be overly private, I felt constrained of my "need to talk and over-share." But now that my sweet, sexy, amazing husband gave me the "blessing" to "over-share" here we go!! :D (Yay!!)
What we want to do with this blog. 1) Become viral and someday- get published (even in Amazon books for free.) (Common' you know that everyone wants to become "viral' - let's be real, if not, people wouldn't write anything on blogs -Think about it! It is when a Beauty Pageant contestant says she wants "World Peace" when she really wants to be a "movie star" and marry a millionaire so she never have to work one single day of her life and get access to all the best Plastic Surgeons.) P.S. "I really, really want World Peace."
2) Lose weight for health reasons. (and to look pretty, too)
3) Be accountable. (in other words, be exposed to public humiliation if we don't lose weight after a reasonable amount of time. i.e. 6 months.
4) This year, Luiso and I will be celebrating our 7th Wedding Anniversary. I think it is called the "7 years itch?" Is that the case, at least we think we are with "someone else" with no need to "cheat nor break our God-blessed vows."
5) Because we both want to beat "Cancer" it its face. Preventive care, people....Preventive care is everything.
So far, we have accomplished the following. Smaller portions, "blessings in disguise" = me, hating the kitchen/cooking; plus, having to cook everyday have helped us tremendously.) Inspiration from people, here and far that has gone through their journey. Facebook, Instagram and social media. Because it is our "window" to the World. Eliminating as much artificial stuff as possible. i.e. Splenda, negative people, etc...Being aware that "everything has an audience" and there is a "study or a diet, for every single person in the World... Word. Saying this, I read everything, get overwhelmed with all the information, try to wrap my head around all the contradictory messages received...''eat wheat, don't eat wheat, eat meat, don't eat meat and so forth." and just use my Common Sense...
So far, we should be experts in the areas of "getting thin..."We have seen some of our 'life-areas' go "skinny" such as our finances, health, social life, careers, our family, etc. So, the one we need to get "skinny" the most, is the one we're working hard at it. Maybe, once we've conquered this one, the rest will follow...(in this case, I wouldn't mind if our health and finances get "fatter" in the good sense of the word.)
At the end of the day, we can't complain, reading this and going through what is "our life" - even our "hardest problems" are "blessings in disguise" and they all are "workable" - not by us, but by the Grace and Favor of God. Let's continue "praying" and "blogging" this "extra-weight" goodbye and keep believing that "the best is yet to come."
Until our next entry.
By the way....Luiso said: "My name is Luis (Luiso) López, and I approved of this message. :) and me too!
Luiso and I have been together for almost 8 years. Wow!! Time does flies when you're having fun...Or...when you are just going through it "one day at a time" dealing with everything life throws at you. In these almost 8 years we have been through love, lost, changes, ups and downs, happiness, anxiety, good times, not-so-good times, Autism, "terrible 2's," "even more terrible 3's," I think you get the idea. Last Sunday, Luiso was reading from his "lover" (the phone) an article posted in CNN about a couple who combined have lost >200 lbs and I think he got inspired. In my case, I got "inspired" when reality knocked on my door, (uninvited) in the most hurtful and difficult way, witnessing my mom die of Cancer and other illnesses. People deal with grief in different ways, but nonetheless they need to go through their "5 stages." I jump from stage to stage. I'm between "anger" and "sadness." Especially, now that I see the boys in the development stage they are in, I'm "angry" that my mom didn't get to live and share this fun times with them, or with me. I'm angry that I cannot call her whenever I want to, nor "complain" when she called me 10x a day for no reason (but deep inside, I loved the attention she was giving me.) And when I get "angry," I get "hangry" - and I'm like a Pac-Man when he ate the yellow magic pill. I can eat anything and everything in front of me. Luiso on the other hand is way better than me in that aspect. He can control himself more. However, he usually follows my lead, which is not a good thing (most of the times, however, I do have 98% of being right...) As I've said before, "some ideas work better in my head that in reality." For example: "Eating Taco Bell seems wonderful and delicious in my head until I eat it and get a heartburn "de madre." Somebody told him in our Honeymoon that the formula for a successful Marriage is "Happy Wife, Happy Life" but also, sometimes, what in my head will make me "happy" can also harm me. Going back to our initial point, Luiso, getting inspired by what he read about the overweight couple (with 4 daughters) who got healthy and now they are "clean-eating nuts" and "marathon runners," - said..."we need to blog about progress and our journey." Which for me, it was "music to my ears." Those who knows me the longest, know that I love to write. I might not be the "greatest writer on the block," but I truly enjoyed the written word. Also, I'm an open-book. However, do to my mom's, "Ponce, Puerto Rico upbringing and my sister's; plus, 3 of my beloved best friends who I deeply admire and happen to be overly private, I felt constrained of my "need to talk and over-share." But now that my sweet, sexy, amazing husband gave me the "blessing" to "over-share" here we go!! :D (Yay!!)
What we want to do with this blog. 1) Become viral and someday- get published (even in Amazon books for free.) (Common' you know that everyone wants to become "viral' - let's be real, if not, people wouldn't write anything on blogs -Think about it! It is when a Beauty Pageant contestant says she wants "World Peace" when she really wants to be a "movie star" and marry a millionaire so she never have to work one single day of her life and get access to all the best Plastic Surgeons.) P.S. "I really, really want World Peace."
2) Lose weight for health reasons. (and to look pretty, too)
3) Be accountable. (in other words, be exposed to public humiliation if we don't lose weight after a reasonable amount of time. i.e. 6 months.
4) This year, Luiso and I will be celebrating our 7th Wedding Anniversary. I think it is called the "7 years itch?" Is that the case, at least we think we are with "someone else" with no need to "cheat nor break our God-blessed vows."
5) Because we both want to beat "Cancer" it its face. Preventive care, people....Preventive care is everything.
So far, we have accomplished the following. Smaller portions, "blessings in disguise" = me, hating the kitchen/cooking; plus, having to cook everyday have helped us tremendously.) Inspiration from people, here and far that has gone through their journey. Facebook, Instagram and social media. Because it is our "window" to the World. Eliminating as much artificial stuff as possible. i.e. Splenda, negative people, etc...Being aware that "everything has an audience" and there is a "study or a diet, for every single person in the World... Word. Saying this, I read everything, get overwhelmed with all the information, try to wrap my head around all the contradictory messages received...''eat wheat, don't eat wheat, eat meat, don't eat meat and so forth." and just use my Common Sense...
So far, we should be experts in the areas of "getting thin..."We have seen some of our 'life-areas' go "skinny" such as our finances, health, social life, careers, our family, etc. So, the one we need to get "skinny" the most, is the one we're working hard at it. Maybe, once we've conquered this one, the rest will follow...(in this case, I wouldn't mind if our health and finances get "fatter" in the good sense of the word.)
At the end of the day, we can't complain, reading this and going through what is "our life" - even our "hardest problems" are "blessings in disguise" and they all are "workable" - not by us, but by the Grace and Favor of God. Let's continue "praying" and "blogging" this "extra-weight" goodbye and keep believing that "the best is yet to come."
Until our next entry.
By the way....Luiso said: "My name is Luis (Luiso) López, and I approved of this message. :) and me too!
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