The "Gorditos" files: Lent edition

I just realized that I haven't post anything since November 3, 2014.  It has been a roller coaster of "emotional eating" starting with Thanksgiving, following it up with Christmas, New Years', Valentine's Day(which I'm not a fan, of Valentine's day that is,)"Fat Tuesday" and Girls Scout cookies season. But yesterday, was a special day.  Especially for Catholics, we started the Lent season, I saw all over Social Media all the things that people are "giving up."  Which made me think, "how not eating carbs during Lent will be a sacrifice and how it is going to help the person become more spiritual?"  Yes, first sin of the Lent season, I'm judging.  However, going on my own mental list of things to "give up" for Lent"  I "miraculously" found in a post the following "40 things to give up for Lent" which I truly think it was Godsend. (Check it out!: http://gs4nj.org/40-things-the-give-up-for-lent-the-list/)  So my Lent "sacrifice" will be to practice each of the "40 things" listed here apply to the reality of my life and write a blog entry each day for 40 days on each one.

#1 "Fear of Failure – You don’t succeed without experiencing failure. Just make sure you fail forward."
I think one reason I've stopped blogging for a while was because I felt like a total failure.  I don't know if it is the mix of being "Puerto Rican, Catholic, and hormonal" but I felt as a failure in all aspects of my life.  I went into "fear" and "victim" mode because all "my" attempts to move forward where quickly shot down and sabotage (by myself, of course.)  Yesterday, "coincidentally" I attended the Bible Study my dear neighbor is conducting every Wednesday. And surprise, surprise! The Bible passage being studied (also read at "Ash Wednesday Mass") was Matthew 7.  This verse especially spoke to me : Matthew 7:8"For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."  And I decided to face my fear of failure with humor and doing exactly what I'm the most fearful of: Writing it down.  I'm not giving up anything for Lent.  Yes, I'm following the rule regarding "fasting" on Ash Wednesday and "No Meat" on Lent Fridays'.  But what I'm doing this Lent is really taking a good inside look of what I can control, and what I need to "give it to God."  Also, I decided instead of labeling all my attempts to eat healthier and lose weight as "failures," I'm going to focus instead of what worked and what didn't work.   For example, from mid July 2014 up to end ofJanuary 2015 I've tried: Advocare, JuicePlus, 21 day fix challenge, Clean Eating and Weight Watchers.  Impressive, huh?  It got a little overwhelming (and expensive.)  From Advocare, the product that I truly liked and I really don't know what is in it, but I can tell you, if you can get it, GET IT, is the beverage called "Sparks."  Sparks is like "grown up Adderall"  I tried it in theFruit Punch and Watermelon flavors, and they taste like very yummy "Kool-Aid." It have vitamins and amino-acids, but what I did noticed when I took it was that it gave me a surge of energy and I could easily concentrate and focus on the tasks I was doing.  It is "like coffee on crack" (however, I've never have tried "crack" before nor have the intention to try it, ever.) Juice Plus, I recommend it to anyone.  What I liked was even though I'm not a "vegetable/fruit" lover/"free will eater," I knew I was getting the nutrients I needed it without having to "eat" 11 portions of fruit and veggies a day.  The only reason I've stopped using it was because I couldn't afford it. (It is not crazy-expensive, but for our budget, everything is "crazy expensive" anyway.)  21 day Fix, was also great.  However, all the "planning" involved got overwhelming for me.  In this case, it was an "user error/failure" rather than a "program failure/error."  The exercise part of it is simply, I don't want to use the word "torture..." but for someone overweight and out of shape people like me, it felt like not torture...but "unpleasant punishment."  Clean Eating...this one is a subjective one, because we still trying to do as much "clean eating" as we can manage and afford, which put "Weight Watchers" in our path.  I prefer to call it now "reality eating" rather than "clean eating."  WW's point system allows you to "reality eating" while trying to incorporate your day to day.  At least "my day to day." (Not the Kardashians' day to day...)  What I discovered from all these last months' "diet failures" was that 1) I need support, I cannot do it by myself.  For that reason, I love attending to the WW weekly meetings and looking around the room seeing  different people, different ages, different sizes and ethnicity, however, I see myself reflected in each one of them.   2) It needs to be "human" and "true" to my reality.  3) The common denominator these programs had was "ME."  I need to make it work, at the end of the day, it is not the "program" is the person going at it.
Luiso looks at me in disbelief because I have 2 new favorite shows (both on TLC)  1) "My Big Fat Fabulous Life" and 2) "My 600+lbs life." The first one gives me hope and encourages me to keep living life no matter what size you're in.  The second show reminds me nobody is exempt of going through life carrying such a heavy load of  "weight."  Some of the "weight" can be just skin or fat, or for some of us, it is all the guilt, traumas, failures and fears we carry with us all the time, and at one time, just gave up.  

In summary:  First thing to give up for Lent "Fear of Failure" - Try Advocare Sparks drink (Fruit Punch is delicious!,) , if you need help losing weight, try getting in a support group or support network, if you don't eat enough fruits and vegetables, and have the funds, try Juice Plus, use your common sense when eating, but most of all, know who you are, forgive yourself from time to time when you feel defeated and fearful, and most of us, Trust God.  Use this Lent time to really look inside of you, and the best part of it, you can do all of these, one day at a time.  (for at least 40 days. :)

See you tomorrow with entry #2 of the "Gorditos" file "Lent Edition."