Disbelief, Sarcasm, Irony and incredulity

It's been a while since I've taken the time to sit down and just write.  First, because as always, I don't think I have anything relevant nor "important" to say.  At the end of the day, life is hard for everyone and those who "matter" have already said (kind of) what they want to say and the flock have followed.  One of my favorite phrases to say, alongside "I love you more than I understand you," "It is what it is," and "One day at a time" is "everything have an audience."  But lately, I haven't seen anything regarding current events positions and views reflecting my reality and idiosyncrasy.  I don't belong to the 1% of privilege, I'm not White, and my European descendent genes are well hidden in the recessive realm.  I'm an educated, professional, woman, but English is my second language, (even though I have more vocabulary and grammatical knowledge than most English as a 1st language native speakers.) but I have a thick accent.  I work hard to lose weight, but I'm never going to be skinny nor without cellulite.  And the list goes on.  I "Lean In" but I refused to be a "bully" or have the corporate world take over my values, conscience and how I treat people.   I believe in empowering women, but I don't believe you have to be a bitch, and not only being a bitch, getting pleasure of knowing you're a bitch in order to receive the validation of being powerful.  In my "English as a second language" reality living in the US, I've never understood the word "Bigot" until recently.  The sad part is I've expected only the usual "White Boys Club" click-cliche to be the ones carrying the adjective, however, it is a woman who showed me the meaning of that awful world.  It even sounds evil.  I will not lie, I'm a social media junkie.  I read, and try to understand how what we see helps us to become a better world.  Maybe, because deep inside I have a true, romantic hope we're building a better place to our children.  Especially to those who are different, or "special needs" as we called them now.  As a "Special Needs" Mom I've learned to be humble, not to quickly judge, even though my Puerto Rican nature sabotage me in that sense, in particular when I see beautiful women, wearing a beautiful dress or outfit and then...flip flops...on purpose.  In the last couple of weeks, everything I've read in the news, social media, etc.  have left me so lost.  I thought I only have to deal with having an "identity crisis" by being Puerto Rican, living in the US Mainland, with US Citizenship, Spanish as my native language, overweight, not blonde, not Black, a Special Needs son, Christian, but not right wing, Democrat, but conservative, feminist, but not a bitch, nor want to climb the power ladder jeopardizing my believes and my responsibilities with my family, bold, but not boastful, and the list goes on.  I'm truly lost and haven't been able to read or see anything echoing how I feel.  What comes across as weaknesses, I see them as strength.  When or where the word humble got so misconstrued? Everything I've read kind of reflecting how I feel have a hidden agenda trying to sell me an opportunity to "sell" wellness, health and happiness.  Nothing is for free.  Everything has a price tag.  The debt keeps climbing, the pressure keeps rising.  Not even in the Special Needs World, I don't even know how to "play" the system to get my kid the assistance he needs.  Being honest doesn't help much, you see other kids with more income and more assistance.  We owe even the air we breathe and we are not giving our boy 5% of what he needs to prepare him to endure this world when he is older and his "quirks" are not longer cute.  I'm tired of seeing "motivational speakers" selling me their guidelines to be successful and happy when they've  never have to experience anything like the rest of us. (Of course, there are exceptions...) I'm not saying they haven't have struggles, but as the John Ham character in Tina Fey's "30 Rock" episode "The Bubble;"some of them showing in my "Newsfeed," lives in "the Bubble," where everything seems easy and attainable, just because you're "it."   Sometimes, I just want to become an ostrich and insert my neck deep inside the ground for a while and hide, but then, my big butt will be hanging and making it an easier target to get spanked. (and not in the sexy, "50 Shades of Grey" way...)  It is overwhelming to have this sensory overload of information, mix-messages, oxymoron views of what is right and what is not.  I just want to scream like Michael and Janet Jackson's 1994 video for the song "Scream."  If you feel like you belong to this X% of the population not falling into the 1% privilege, and not in the % who cares of the trivialities the World consider important, you want the World to become a better place, your work hard, you don't have a chip on your shoulder, nor the a sense of entitlement; plus, you don't care who went where, what luxury car, vacation, work promotion,etc. the neighbor or somebody post or went into validating their worth, care for the planet, how to be a good citizen, have respect and understanding for things, even those and things we don't understand, please shoot me a note, and let me know there still hope in the World, and like they say in Puerto Rico, to soothe the pain of their day to day "los buenos somos más." (the good ones are the majority...)  Please shoot me a note, I promise you I will not send you a "Gofundme" link, nor will try to sell you an "opportunity" to become your own boss.  I just want to keep believing, and to know I'm not the only one, (I know I'm not, I just need this line for dramatic purposes...) who is mentally and emotionally exhausted - but deep down inside, I just need to restore my believe that in my son's forever literal world, there will be hope and a "village" maybe not understanding him completely, but at least respecting him and giving him, us and all a fair chance to be.