NIA..."Nillionaires in Action"

I've been MIA (Missing in Action) from the blog.  Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I feel like such a hypocrite.  After my last entry, and my 25 yrs. High Class Reunion mental crisis, I've been running like a "Chicken with the head cut-off" managing life.  I feel like I've deviated from what I intended this blog to be.  I haven't been eating as well as I wanted, nor making the best decisions about food when having the opportunity.  I've started asking myself "Who do you think you are?" or "Who cares about what you do, eat or have to say?" -  There are days that the only thing making me wake up in the morning and keep me going are my faith in God, Luiso and my boys, because if it was for me, I would hide like an ostrich and simply not move.  Exhausted and "achy" are an understatement.  But then, after having this "pity party" - life (I think it is God) sent me "subtle reminders" to stop complaining and keep moving forward.  He shows me mercy and compassion through people, random acts of kindness, and confirmations that I'm on the right path even though is not as structured nor as "perfect" as I want it to be. 
Luiso and I had to make very difficult decisions about our finances, but at the same time, after touching bottom, we can see little by little how God is guiding us and leading us by His hands to a better future.  We got rid of all credit cards, mainly because we already maxed all them out trying to stay afloat during our "vacas flacas" years, (we still in the "vacas flacas" years, but compared to other people, they would love to be in our situation, instead of theirs.)  We are part of the new phenomenon in the Educated/Middle class statistics.  It should be named "Educated, but Poor" or as I saw in the news-feed of my friend Erika's Facebook page, the "Nillionaires" (definition: "Person without any money of their own. He looks rich but it's all borrowed and his bank account is nil.")  And the reason I'm talking about this, is now that we are in the open, however, we've never hid this before, is that we need to stretch our pennies to the max.  Literally.  So, every purchase I make in the grocery store, or about anything it is carefully thought after.  I'm cooking a lot, we're eating 95% of our meals at the house, but we cannot "picky" in terms of the kind of foods we can buy.  I'm sticking to the rule of buying everything in the "outer" side of the store, but not everything is 100% organic and I'm doing lots of "pantry recycling."  The other day I went to HEB with $15 to do some groceries for the kids lunch boxes. It included, bananas, milk, cottage cheese (LJ and E loves it,) ham, whole wheat bread, yoghurt, cilantro, onion, 1 green pepper, 1 red pepper, garlic.  Not to shabby, right? And then, the moment of truth came...when in line to pay, there were 2 women in front of me.  One in her 30's and the other one was a teenager, they have around 20+ cups of "Maruchan brand instant soup cups" - the kind you see all over the Internet saying is equal to eating poison.  They paid their $6 bill with food stamps.  At that moment, I felt so impotent, because my first reaction was to tell them that I would cover their bill, after I would've tell them not to buy the instant soup and I would get them a "better" choice of foods; even though what I consider to be "better" it would be considered "bad" as well by all the food purist out there.  It was clearly all they could afford at this time-to feed a rather large family.  And then, it makes me think, the only difference between them and I are the way we "look" and how we are perceived by our society, because in essence, we are both in the same situation.  I have Faith in God that our situation is transitory and I know that better days will come.  However, I was telling Luiso even though our finances get straightened. I never want to forget these days, in a good way, I want to be able to have in abundance, not for us, but to be able to give even more, and also to keep ourselves humble, because it is so true that you can be on top one day, and way below the floor the next one.  
And about my insecurities...I received another slap in the face...I took a "selfie" at Titi Gertru's house on our "flash" trip to Puerto Rico to be at Manolo and Marla's wedding.  I was working and decided to take a picture to test my work's laptop camera.  I was sitting in the same spot my mom's last days bed was in.  Apparently, the lighting, angles and blowing dry my hair that day did something because I got a lot of "likes" on it.  Yesterday, Nov. 2nd. (Dia de los Muertos) I was kind of down, I'm still not fully recovered from my mom's passing.  However, I haven't given myself full permission to grieve.  First, because I saw God all over her passing's process, and 2nd because I have so much in my plate and so little energy that I have to "stretch it out" as I'm doing with my budget.  I don't know if it was my dad that signed on to her FB account or my sister, but yesterday, when I was feeling as a failure, I got a FB notification on my phone that Celia Paneto "liked" my picture.  So if my mom in Heaven "likes" me as I am now.  I guess I can do that too.  I might be a "Nillionaire" with my finances, but I'm a true Billionaire in blessings, especially my family, friends and all the love we share.  "One day at a time" - some days are "one hour at a time." But always moving forward.